I have contemplated posting this since earlier 2021. During the countless number of lockdowns over the past year or so, I decided to note down some of my thoughts. Almost like a Covid diary.
This hasn't been added to since around December 2020, but re-reading those thoughts I had during such a challenging time, both mentally and physically, was strange. Lockdown feels so long ago but also still so present in our lives.
At the time I wondered if others resonated with my thoughts. I worked through the whole of the pandemic and my job became a saviour but also a downfall in some ways. Everyone has struggled, I would not at all like to compare myself to others living through such a tough period of their own lives, but I feel there may be a light at the end of this blog post. Reading this back now is so interesting to me, so I can't imagine how weird it will feel to look back and remind myself of feeling this way in a few years to come.
So, here's an insight into my lockdown brain. Do you remember any of your weird and random pandemic thoughts?
I’m trying to be zen but today is testing me. Resulted in pizza for lunch and x10 the usual cups of tea. And chocolate. Lots of chocolate. But also fruit because health. A workout is due after work to relieve stress.
Update: workout never happened.
Is overtime a thing any more? It all blends in to one. You don’t pack up when others do and leave your laptop at the office so do you ever actually stop working? Does your brain stop ticking? Should I be going for a walk as my “commute” to break the gap between work and home?
"Don’t give up hope but don’t be pressured to not feel miserable" - Greg James spilling true facts on Radio One this morning.
I know it’s nice to talk to people and communicate and all that but I’m fed up of 1 hour meetings and calls that could have been an email.
This really is a mental note of disappointment for still not calling the doctors. Other people are just more important right now.
I just saw a tweet that said the weekends in lockdown feel like a two day lunch break which is very true. It’s nice to actually have a break that’s not just 10 mins in front of Loose Women with potato waffles. Even if I am doing nothing, I like that I can just do nothing. As a self-titled introverted extrovert I am happy that I can get away with watching crappy Saturday night telly but at the same time this has gone on for too long now and I would like to at least leave the house for something other than a walk or snack shop at sainos (which is essential).
Some nights I actually feel nervous about the world going back to normal. I know it’s unlikely it will never be “normal” for a long while with masks and hand sanitiser etc likely to be in for the long haul - but I feel like I’ve forgotten how to socialise and the thought of going abroad or on a night out scares and excites me?? What even is a night out going to be? Definitely over thinking but I've been in my own company for far too long, so how do I overcome this?
Am I shopping because I need clothes or does having something coming in the post excite me? Asos is just my pen pal really.
How many hot bubble baths can you have to actually feel relaxed enough? Does it need to be hotter? More bubbles?
Am I tired or have I just not been outside for a few days...
Lockdown is changing so how long does that give me to actually get into a fitness routine and reach the goals I set in lockdown 1? Literally swapping between the “I love working out and can’t wait to see results” and “f*ck it I’m happy being me” mindsets.
Will working from home wear be acceptable back in the office? I just really don’t want to wear jeans ever again if I can avoid it.
Have I just had a breakdown because I’m unhappy or has the notification from my period app made me realise it’s time to depend on chocolate for a few days?
Am I burning out from working so hard or is my body in sacrifice for not watching One Tree Hill enough?
“Physically I’m fine, emotionally I’m bruised” - Harry styles